


Roommates III

by petyrbaaaeeelish



Series: Roommates [3]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Conflict, F/M, Funny, GoT modern au, Humour, Petyr Baelish - Freeform, Romantic Comedy, Roommates, Sansa Stark - Freeform, Varys - Freeform, roommate agreement, varys has had his fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 21:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14922965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petyrbaaaeeelish/pseuds/petyrbaaaeeelish
Summary: Petyr and Sansa's relationship is heating up, and that forces Varys to take extra measures to bring some sanity back to his household. He has drafted a Roommate Agreement, the only question is will Petyr and Sansa sign it?





	Roommates III

_Well I wasn’t expecting this,_ I thought, as I felt Sansa ram me up against the shower wall and kiss her way up my chest. “Oh, sweetling,” I cooed, as I felt her hands dig into my chest hair, her hot lips pressed against my soapy skin. I felt her wriggle underneath my grip the moment my hands slid down her wet back, nuzzling my hands over the bottom of her hips. “Sweetling, I have to go to work,” I reminded her, but she only continued to venture those kiss-swollen lips upwards. “And so do you.”

“Call in sick.”

I pulled her closer to me, despite my chiding words. “You know I can’t do that.” She let out a menacing laugh, a sound that only made me want to give in to her temptations. Her head raised upwards and captured my lips briefly, a taste, but it was nothing more than that.

“Alright, Petyr Baelish, I’ll leave you to your shower.”

“Sansa,” I pleaded, and grabbed a hold of her arm as she drew herself away. “We can stay a bit longer.”

“You have work,” she reminded me, and gave me a fleeting kiss before she whisked away. The rest of my shower was unadventurous, I was in there a little more than a minute or two before I came out of the tub and wiped myself dry. Her clothes were still here, so that gave me a little hope that she was in my room still- _naked_.

I was walking out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around my waist when Varys came out of nowhere and stopped me with his hand on my chest. “Wait a minute!”

“I have things to do, Varys.”

“If you have enough time to fool around in the bathroom, you have enough time to speak with me.”

“Alright.”

“Have Sansa and yourself dressed in ten minutes and meet me in the living room. I shall tell you it then.”

I smoothed back my wet hair and sighed, “If you insistent.”

“Oh, I do,” he said darkly with an angry look, and with pursed lips he turned away.

I went down the length of the hall, trying to not let my wet hair drip all over the place, and when I finally went into my bedroom Sansa was already half-dressed. “You look disappointed,” she teased, as she buttoned up her blouse.

“I had rather hoped you were waiting for me,” I retorted.

“I thought of it,” she confessed. “But we have a busy day ahead of us.”

“Will you be here tonight?” I asked, before I dropped my towel to the floor to get her to change her mind. She quickly looked away, but not without her cheeks turning a familiar shade of red.

“Interesting time to ask me,” she noted, as she crossed across the room to retrieve her pants.

“I always choose my timing wisely.”

“Yes, you do.” She unraveled her pants and stuffed her right leg into it first. “But I promised my sister I would go out with her tonight. She wants to watch some horror flick.”

“I thought you don’t like that sort of thing?”

She was buttoning up her pants in front of me, now that I was safely covered away with boxers. “I don't, but I am _trying_ to make an effort to get along with her.”

“Commendable.”

“Vainless,” she replied, and snapped her belt in place to prove it. “She doesn’t know about you yet.”

I sat down on the bed to button up my dress shirt. “Are you embarrassed?”

“It’s the age,” she explained. “She wouldn’t understand.”

“I’m not that old,” I joked, though I felt some pain after her words.

“No, I think you’re just perfect,” she answered me, and went over to kiss me at the side of my temple. I immediately took a hold of her, and she squealed once I pulled her into the bed and rolled her over till I was on top of her. “PETYR!” she screamed and slapped me lightly on the shoulder. “Don’t even-”

“What?” I said in a husky voice, as I slid closer to her face.

“No,” she warned, after I kissed her cheek. She relented when I kissed her lips, but it was not without a fight. “Work,” she reminded me, a thing that sounded so horrible to both of us right now. “Please let me go.”

I kissed her one last time, and then pulled her off the bed. “Why are you giving me that look?”

“I don’t like to be man handled,” she quipped, and smacked me on the ass as she walked away.

* * *

Varys stood up when he saw us entering the living room, that loathsome expression told me he was not pleased how late we were. “I gave you ten minutes.”

“Yes, we got a little distracted.”

“I know.”

“Look, can’t it wait till after work?”

“It can’t wait a second more. Have a seat, the two of you.”

Varys reached over for his brief case and pulled a document out, placing two copies in front of us before he began, “I want you to read it, and sign it.”

I lifted it closer to my face and blurted out, “A roommate agreement!”

“Yes, exactly. Sansa has been here for the past three days since the party, and if she wishes to continue to stay here than she must abide by our rules.”

Sansa lifted up her own copy and placed it on her lap. “I’m going back home after tonight.”

“I am relieved by this news, but I fear you won’t be staying away for very long. Not if Petyr has his way.”

“True,” I said with a charming smile. “You know me so well, Varys.”

“Too well.”

“Alright, let me read it,” I responded, and placed it into my lap before I flipped over to the second page.  

  1. A roommate should say at least one nice thing to the other at least once a day. Preferably asking how there day went.
  2. No cock jokes.



I laughed at that, a thing which quickly caught Varys and Sansa’s attention. “It’s funny,” I suggested, but Varys roll of the eyes said otherwise.

  1. No nudity displayed for both male and female. Exception, if one of us should fall inside the bathtub and are unable to get back up.



“You’re on your own, Varys,” I teased, after I pointed at that section. “No one will want to see that.” Sansa nudged me with her elbow, so I quieted up and kept reading.

  1. Wash dishes after every use. There should be no dishes left in the sink after midnight, no exceptions.
  2. Varys teapot is off limits.
  3. The cats should be fed twice a day. Overfeeding will not be tolerated in this household- neither is grumbling if Varys ask you to do so.
  4. Under no circumstances should one roommate trespass into the other’s room, unless there is an emergency.
  5. If coitus is involved, the roommate should receive a twenty-four notice in writing.



“No!” I shouted out and slapped the piece of paper with the back of my hand. “I can’t do that, Varys! Twenty-four hours notice!”

“I was being generous.”

I looked at Sansa and saw how she was anxiously suppressing a grin. I shook my head at her before I turned my gaze back to my roommate. “You’re kidding me right?”

Sansa nudged me on the shoulder and said, “You should read number nine and ten.”

  1. Under no circumstances should coitus be engaged when the roommate is present.
  2. Anything over PG rated activities should be kept in the bedroom. The bathroom, living room, kitchen and Varys room especially is off-limits.



I gave a careful look at Sansa, knowing we had already broken these rules more than once.

“Sansa!” Varys called out. He leaned forward to point at number fourteen. “This one was written for you especially.”

“If a guest is present for more than three days,” she read aloud, and stopped to give Varys a meaningful look. “Did you just add that in today?”

“I did,” he hushed. “Seeing your long strand of hair in the bathtub last night was the last straw.”

“Alright, Varys, we get it!” I yelled. “You have had your fill of us.”

“You haven’t read all of number fourteen.” He took it from my hands and cleared his voice to continue: “If a guest is present for more than three days then they should _contribute_ to the rent and/ or the groceries. This is not a homeless shelter.”

“Now, you’re being just rude,” I shot out, and snatched the document away from him.

“Am I?” he asked, while he folded his arms together against his chest. “What’s rude is allowing Sansa to stay here without consolidating me.”

“It just happened, it’s not like we planned it out.”

“Like your sex life, clearly.”

“We were quiet,” I said through gritted teeth.

“I’ve had enough staying at shady motels. If you want to have coitus-”

“Just say sex, Varys! It’s not that hard.”

“Take it somewhere else!” he wailed, like a sullen child and tossed the papers aside.

“Look!” I said and stood up from my seat with my hands stretching towards him. “I understand you are upset… I get it. I mean, you have no cock-”

“You are so full of yourself!”

I shrugged my shoulders at him, knowing there was no use in contradicting that statement. Sansa raised herself from her seat and commented, “I’m leaving. I don’t know when I will be back, but if I do we will make sure to give you a head’s up.”

“And take it somewhere else,” he countered. “Your place? A fancy hotel? I don’t care, just not _here._ ”

 _Gods, I wish my place was fixed._ I placed my hands on my hips with a long sigh, not seeing a way out of it. “Sansa, how would you like to go away for the weekend?” I asked, and waited for her gaze to return to mine when I added, “I know of a beach cottage that could be rented out for the weekend, what did you say?”

“Yeah, that can work.”

Varys raised his hands in the air and shouted out, “As long as you are out of my hair, I am fine with that.”

I scratched the side of my head, noticing the dampness of it still. “Alright, its agreed. But I am not signing that document! Twenty-four hour notice my arse.”

I took Sansa’s hand and led her away, ignoring Varys protests as we went out the door. Sansa pecked the side of my cheek as we strode down the hall. “You’re so cute when you’re angry.”

“I don’t want to be cute.”

“Let me rephrase it,” she whispered into my ear, now that we heard Varys familiar light tred behind us. “It’s sexy.”

“Is it the weekend yet?” I joked, and let her push me into the wall, so she could kiss me.

“Seven Hells!” Varys groaned, and covered his eyes with horror. “Don’t you ever stop?”

“We do it for you, Varys,” I shouted out, once she had me firmly pinned against the wall.

“There's a special kind of hell for you,” he said in a mocking tone of voice, and gave us both a hateful look before he slipped through the emergency staircase.

“He couldn’t even make it to the elevator,” I laughed, and Sansa agreed with me by pressing her lips on mine.

 


End file.
